MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS - SOCIAL
WHAT ARE NEEDS?
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is a psychological theory proposing that human motivation stems from a hierarchy of five fundamental categories: physiological, safety, love, esteem, and self-actualisation, with basic needs needing to be met before moving to higher-level needs. In reality we need to feel safe, feel protection, and have confidence in our abilities to be able to learn and progress. We will break down social needs in more detail to understand how we must all get the social connections we crave to allow our children to flourish. This is not about neglect, though still important to be aware of, more to examine how everyday pressures can get in the way of reaching our self-esteem goals.
After reading this article you feel any areas covered are missing for your child, we can offer a basic needs check-in across home and school to engage support in these areas.
SOCIAL - LOVE FROM FAMILY
What is it?
It is in a child's instinct to seek love and acceptance from their parents/care givers. No matter how badly they may have been traumatised.
What does this mean day to day?
If there is ongoing trauma within the family a child will struggle to regulate, focus, feel safe, and relax into other areas of need.
This can be supported by increasing connection with the child, opening up lines of communication, and increasing praise.
In some homes there may not be big traumatic events happening in the immediate family, but siblings disagreeing, not understanding each other, mix of parenting styles, extended family not understanding or accepting differing needs.
This negative energy will still be felt from the child and whilst they may not be showing obvious signs of trauma, it is clear that a child will struggle to ‘fit in’, feel seen, be able to take up the space they deserve.
This can be supported by understanding our differences, exploring our communication styles and mirroring good self-esteem models.
SOCIAL - ACCEPTANCE FROM FAMILY
What is it?
That for whatever reason, your family accepts you. Your choices, your thoughts, your beliefs and your abilities.
What does this mean day to day?
That however you identify, from belief, feeling or diagnosis that not only does your family understand what this means, that they accept it too.
acceptance -
“agreement with or belief in an idea or explanation” (Oxford English Dictionary)
This can be supported by researching and sharing information on the differences your family faces. Knowledge is power!
SOCIAL - FEELINGS OF BELONGING
What is it?
The feeling that we fit in, we are understood by our peers.
What does this mean day to day?
That we are able to share our interests and hobbies safely where others get the same enjoyment and not feeling too much, or not enough.
If there is little acceptance or accessibility for social groups, sports events, or places out and about then we will start to feel isolated, victimised, unwelcome, afraid to show up and be our authentic selves.
We all understand the same social rules from expectations, traditions, norms, pleasantries and communication skills. If we don’t follow or understand these rules we are often seen as rude, defiant, closed off, misunderstood, or alienated.
How we look, from the clothes we wear, levels of cleanliness or pride in our appearance, colour of our skin, our accent, how able bodied we are, habits we have, socio-economic background, to interests and hobbies will likely shape the groups of people we identify with to meet the need of belonging.
This could have a big impact on a child or family unit if they are unable to live in a like minded society/attend school with those of similar backgrounds.
Encouraging acceptance and equity for all of us, to learn from each other and being open to learn more about others and their background.
SOCIAL - FRIENDSHIPS
What is it?
Friendships are the first bonds we make with others out of the direct caregivers role. They are a crucial part of growing, learning and having a safe person to just to be with. Sometimes this will be siblings, cousins and then establishing who they like in the school environment.
What does this mean day to day?
Whilst many children will navigate their friendships with varying levels of success of the years, Autistic children will find this area to fill extremely tricky.
Vulnerable children are susceptible to bullying, being picked on, isolated.
They can struggle to find children their same age that they like and thus struggle with group/pair work at school in class based activities.
Or they can form such strong bonds they struggle if the friend is absent.
With differences in social skills and verbal communication as well as varying levels of emotional regulation they will likely find friendships to be extremely turbulent, facing tears from misunderstanding, periods of shut down, fears of life long isolation.
For non-Autistics there are still a wide range of issues facing friendships: Social Anxiety, differing communication styles, and issues around Digital Communication.
Social Anxiety can flare up to anyone at any time. Our mental walls can come up instantly following the actions of others. It can be crippling, isolating and extremely hard to re-wire and repair relationships after such a feeling of rejection. Those who are naturally socially anxious will struggle to form friendships too, being unsure when and how to speak, pre-playing conversations and too scared to say the wrong thing.
Communication barriers can really affect how a person is involved in society, the community, the classroom. If they are unable to talk, pre-verbal, environmentally or situationally mute, or unable to hear others clearly, relying on visuals, communication devices or sign language this means that their communication style is vastly different from ‘the norm’ and will reduce the ability to form friendships. Vision also plays a big role here, especially in the Early Years (0-7). If two friends are learning at different levels, one is able to read and stay on task whilst another is struggling to comprehend what is being asked of them, they may struggle to keep in line with each other, to be engaged with each other, and to appear on the same page. Those with Learning Difficulties may also struggle to keep and form friendships, being able to recognise others, remember their names, remember important facts about their friends, like birthdays, be able to process and engage in shared interests. Differences in movement styles and energy can also separate friendships if one child can not physically keep up with a friend who may be faster, more energetic, more into sports or have higher body movement confidence/ability.
In today's age Digital Communication is adding extra pressures on all relationships, losing the tone of your voice or comment, the visual cues to the conversation and any other hand or body movements to show the intention of your comment. This can lead to easy fall outs, the lost art of sensible debate, anger, upset and misunderstanding, even when we know the person on the other side of the screen. It is something to be aware of, to give others kindness in what they are saying, they may speak a different language or not understand local phrases and nods as we can now access any part of the world on ‘The Web’. Vulnerable children are very susceptible to being taken advantage of online, bullying and grooming, especially if they are struggling to make ‘real world’ friends from any of the above (or other) reasons.
ADHD brains and RSD.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is a very common trait of ADHD and coupled with hyperactivity of thoughts, processing and talking they can respond to rejection in a highly sensitive manner creating larger gaps between friendships.
