How to help a child with school anxiety about school.
School-based anxiety refers to the distress a child or young person feels in relation to attending school. It can show up in many different ways—ranging from tearfulness and tummy aches in the morning, to panic, meltdowns, or complete refusal to go to school.
When a child avoids or refuses to attend school due to overwhelming anxiety, it’s often referred to as school refusal (sometimes called Emotional Based School Avoidance, or EBSA in educational settings). Although the terms used to discuss the child’s absence or reluctance to go to school. It also avoids the many layers that maybe present lying underneath.
At Lighthouse Therapy Hub we meet each and every person where they are in their journey and accept their thoughts, feelings and experiences wholeheartedly and without judgement.
There are many reasons as to why this may start and this is not an exhaustive list
· Separation anxiety – fear of being away from parents or carers
Social anxiety – worries about friendships, speaking in class, or being judged
Performance anxiety – fear of failure, perfectionism, or pressure around tests
Sensory sensitivities – finding school environments loud, bright, or overwhelming
Bullying or peer difficulties
Learning needs – struggling to keep up or feeling different
Changes or transitions – such as moving schools or changes at home
Sometimes, the anxiety builds up gradually; other times it may be triggered by a specific event or change.
What can it look like?
Every child is different, but common signs include:
Repeated complaints of feeling ill before school
Panic or crying in the morning. Which may impact getting dressed or transitions from home to school.
Being unable to enter the school building or classroom
Frequent lateness or absences
A drop in mood, confidence, or enjoyment of learning
These behaviours can be distressing for families and children alike—but with the right support, they can get better.
Why It Matters to Understand
Children experiencing school anxiety aren’t just being “difficult”—they’re often doing their very best to cope with big feelings using the only tools they have.
Understanding what’s underneath the behaviour helps us respond with compassion and connection, rather than punishment or pressure. It also opens the door to supportive strategies—at home, in school, and in therapeutic spaces.
Validate Their Emotions
Even if their worries seem small to you, they feel very real to your child. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel anxious:
“I’m here with you. We’ll get through this together.”
Validation builds trust and helps reduce shame or guilt.
Make a Step-by-Step Plan
A full school day may feel overwhelming, but breaking it into small, achievable steps can make it more manageable. This might look like:
Visiting the school after hours when it’s quiet
Starting with a short time in the classroom
Checking in with a trusted adult at drop-off
Using a visual schedule or checklist for the day
Each step builds confidence and shows them they can do it—with support.
Work With the School Team
Can you reach out to the SENCO or pastoral support for breaking down the school day into smaller steps?
· “I am wondering”
Statements can often lead to deep and meaningful conversations with the aim of finding out what parts of their day are causing them the biggest challenge. It maybe one off event like a school trip or a reoccurring event like lunch times. Understanding what is happening can support you in building the overall plan.
Safe spaces for calming down
Flexible start times or phased returns
A named adult for regular check-ins
Pastoral or emotional literacy support
If you are struggling to open these conversations with school. Bobbie our family support specialist can support you in building these bridges.
