Why Do We Push Boundaries?
Understanding Children, Young People, and Adults Inside and Outside the Therapy Space
At Lighthouse Therapy Hub, we often talk about boundaries—those invisible lines that shape how we relate to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us. Boundaries can be emotional, physical, or relational, and they play a huge role in our growth and wellbeing. But what happens when children, young people, or adults push against them? Why do we test limits, and how does this show up both inside and outside of the therapy room?
Why Do People Push Boundaries?
Boundary-testing isn’t just “difficult behaviour”—it’s often communication in disguise. Pushing boundaries can happen for many reasons:
Seeking safety and predictability: Testing limits helps people learn what’s safe, what’s consistent, and whether the people around them can hold firm when things feel uncertain.
Exploring identity and autonomy: For children and teenagers, pushing boundaries is part of developing independence and a sense of self. For adults, it may be about rediscovering who they are beyond roles, expectations, or old patterns.
Expressing unmet needs: Sometimes, boundary-pushing signals an unspoken need—for attention, connection, rest, reassurance, or control when life feels overwhelming.
Challenging trust: Especially for those who have experienced instability or trauma, testing boundaries can be a way of asking: “Will you still be here if I push?”
How Might This Show Inside the Therapy Space?
Therapy offers a unique environment where boundaries are clear, consistent, and held with care. Even so, boundary-testing can and does happen. It may look like:
Arriving late or missing sessions to see how flexible the therapist will be.
Changing topics suddenly or avoiding difficult conversations, testing whether uncomfortable emotions are safe to bring into the room.
Challenging therapeutic limits—for example, asking for more contact outside sessions or questioning the therapist’s role.
Emotional reactions such as anger, withdrawal, or testing responses to difficult disclosures.
In therapy, these moments aren’t seen as failures—they’re opportunities. Each push against a boundary opens a doorway to understanding what the client needs, fears, or longs for. A safe therapeutic space can help transform boundary-testing into growth and deeper trust.
How Might This Show Outside the Therapy Space?
Boundary-pushing is part of everyday life too. It can appear as:
Children ignoring rules, testing routines, or pushing against parental limits.
Teenagers experimenting with identity, challenging authority, or stretching social expectations.
Adults overcommitting, saying “yes” when they want to say “no,” or breaking personal limits around work, relationships, or wellbeing.
Often, the way we push against boundaries outside therapy mirrors what shows up inside. Therapy helps us notice these patterns and explore what they might be telling us.
Moving Forward with Compassion
At Lighthouse Therapy Hub, we believe pushing boundaries isn’t simply “misbehaviour” or “noncompliance.” It’s communication—a way of asking questions like:
Am I safe here?
Do I matter?
Where do I end and others begin?
Can I trust this space, this person, this relationship?
When met with consistency, empathy, and understanding, boundary-testing can become a powerful part of healing and growth. Inside the therapy space, it helps strengthen the relationship. Outside, it can be an invitation to reflect on needs, values, and the supports that help us thrive.
✨ At Lighthouse Therapy Hub, we walk alongside children, young people, and adults as they explore their boundaries. Together, we create a safe and steady light—guiding the way through uncertainty, towards greater understanding and connection.
